The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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