loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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