Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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