Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
