Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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