Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
