im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
