I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
