I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
