okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
