Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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