we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
