I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
