I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
