butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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