Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
