If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
