we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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