pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
