the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
