My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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