I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
