You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
