Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
