i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
