You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
