drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
