lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
