Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
