How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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