i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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