saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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