I'm eating all of the evidence.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
