dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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