If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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