At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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