So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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