running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The feeling are messing with the penis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
