Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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