oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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