I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
