At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize