So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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