yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
