All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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