I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
