The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
