The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
