he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
please don't ironically join a cult
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