he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
