She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i will never coherently bang her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
