Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
