I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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