How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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