90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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