his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
