the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
