I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
