I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she told me i tasted like america
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
