I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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