You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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