There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
