I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
