how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
