tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have feelings that need drinking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
