why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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