Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
